If I felt completely pressureless I don't think I would have gone in this pattern. There is the paranoid element. It's not just schizophrenia but paranoid schizophrenia. You have paranoia, paranoid delusions. So there must have been pressures, tensions and worries. I don't know what leads to what. I don't want to try to inquire too deeply myself. I know that if I could really understand mental illness, then it would be appropriate to make a big career shift. I would become a therapist and a leader in terms of mental illness. But I'm not in the position.

Things had been developing before that. That didn't happen just out of the blue. I had had conflicts. I had resigned from M.I.T. Of course, it was a surprise. But I started with them because I didn't understand it in terms of what it was, something I had experienced. Later on the same thing happened but I would immediately understand what had happened, that it's too late to do anything, that one was captured.

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